空虚

Strangely, I realized something that hurt me so much.
Because I'm weak...

I'm often talking about Gravel here since a time and seriously, I feel more and more depressive...

I mean, I didn't even expect I could feel THAT depressed just about him...

Truthfully, I just feel empty, like I always had felt I was since I met him.
Seriously, since I think on my own, I felt really, deeply, hardly empty...

But never with him...
I.NEVER.FELT.EMPTY.WHEN.I.WAS.WITH.HIM.
And, as I wrote it, I almost cried, because it makes me feel even more sad than before...
Because now I feel more and MORE empty than before I met him...

You know, when you feel you're the most useless crap which ever existed on Earth, because you're just, not with him...

All I want now is just to see him, but not see him, because it would hurt even more...

You know, at first, I was just thinking he was kind and beautiful the first we've met...
The thing which made me think "He's the one" was my very first day at Laurier...
The thing is, I was tired this day, and I wasn't smiling everytime like I usually do...
And he realized it right away...
And he just kept asking me "Are you okay? Are you happy? Do you like it? Are you sure you're okay?" and all the stuff...
The fact is, he is the only person in my whole life who cared that much about me, just for some little things like that, like if I was really that important...

But now, I think he only was that kind because he didn't want to hurt me, as he always does with me...

Really, just writing it like that, free style, makes me want to cry, so don't even feel upset if I'm unable to talk like this with you... I just can't...
I can't let you know that I cry... It's something I don't want you to know, I don't want anyone to be worry about me...
Because I don't deserve it...
And I don't say it because I want you to care...
Just because it's what I think, really...

Sorry for that, I'm really unhappy on that time and my blog is even more boring than before...
But, I'm sorry, I think it wouldn't be better by the time, if it's without him...

Comments

[Kasumi]

L'autre jour quand je t'ai vu je t'ai vraiment trouvé différente de d'habitude :( Maintenant je comprend un peu. J'espère que tu iras mieux bientot choune ♥ Pis dis pas que tu le mérite pas.